How to Communicate to Get what You Want

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By: Cindy Castillo | Teresa Strasser Posted: 3:43 PM, Jun 27, 2022 Updated: 11:14 AM, Jul 6, 2022

No two people think alike, and no two people hear things the same way. It’s important to be very discerning in the way we use our language – because the way we speak to each other can make or break relationships. Intentional living expert, Diane Forester, helps us reap the benefits of good communication with some tips that will help you get what you want.

“Your relationships are healthier, your communication with your boss and your peers is better… there’s a lot of reasons why you wanna master effective communication,” she says.

First, What You Want VS What You Don’t Want

“Say you’re at home, you’re on the phone and somebody’s in the room and they’re watching television and it’s loud,” she gives as an example. Instead of responding negatively, try saying the following. “I’m on the phone right now. And I could use a little more quiet. So would you mind turning down the TV for a little bit? You’re gonna get much better results with that. It won’t spark negative emotions. It won’t ignite into a fight or any of those things.”

Next, Avoid ‘You Always’ and ‘You Never’

“It doesn’t feel good to be branded as ‘you know you never listen to me’ or ‘you always talk over me’ because the person who’s hearing that and receiving that is immediately gonna go in defensive mode.”

A way to communicate a bit more effectively might look like this: “It makes me feel like I’m not heard when you speak over me. And then the other person can go, okay, I, I get it. I see how you’re feeling right now.”

Lastly, Master The Art of Being

Being an effective communicator ultimately means mastering the art of ‘being’.

“The good listener is the best communicator,” says Forester. Avoid interruptions of talking over someone. “When the person feels seen heard appreciated and acknowledged at that moment. And they’re much more open to having more dialogue with you.”