Marriage Is Boring – And That’s OkayLifestyle relationships
Love can be filled with romantic evenings and fun filled days – but when it’s full of drama? Exhausting! Online relationship expert, Carmelia Ray, has some ways to make sure your relationship with your spouse is blissful and not a bother.
First – birds of a feather flock together.
We’ve all heard that old saying – opposites attract – but maybe not after all. “The myth that opposites attract can be true when a relationship is based on lust. And maybe if you’re looking for a part-time lover, but when it comes to long-term happy relationships, compatibility and similarity and common interests are what’s going to keep a sustainable relationship,” says Ray. Good point! “At the end of the day, that soulmate ends up being your cellmate,” she reminds us.
Next – while you’re in the cell – try reflective listening.
“Reflective listening is a key to having relationships last because most people listen to respond. They’re not even hearing what their partners are saying,” Ray says. Instead, listen intently, reflect back to them, and paraphrase to make sure you got their message clear. “It could be as simple as, okay, so you are picking up our daughter at five and I’m going to then meet you at the dance recital.”
Don’t forget about this key point – understand your roles.
Roles are more important than you might realize. Partners tend to fall into roles that they feel are expected of them. “If a woman is working, then…is the man automatically expected to take on the domestic duties? That might seem the logical thing to do, but if it’s not discussed, there could be resentments there,” warns Ray.
Lastly, fight fair.
If you find yourself disagreeing with something, remember to fight fair. “Set some ground rules about how you’re going to communicate. So, one of those things is to not name call, to not yell, to practice reflective listening,” says Ray. Great advice. Don’t start a conversation if you’re not in an emotional place to respect each other. Respect is paramount.
Sameness may sound like lameness – but it may very well be the key to a successful marriage.